No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
