See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
