im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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