i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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