The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
