i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
