Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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