I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
