Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it glows. i had to have it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
