next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
