You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
