i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
