I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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