he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
