Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
