Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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