She is in my trunk
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
