guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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