dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
