At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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