i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
