Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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