pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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