the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
