Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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