wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
