my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
