I looked at my own cervix.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
