dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
