Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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