I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
