I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
