shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
