Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
