I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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