So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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