I checked into jail on foursquare
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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