My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
