make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
