I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
