Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
