I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
