You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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