I cockslap morals
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
