JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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