One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ok first of all what the fuck
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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