I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
