do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
