Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
