My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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