I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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