I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
